37 Things Women Are Soooooooo Tired Of Explaining To Men Over And Over And Over And Over Again
“Stop acting like I should magically know this stuff because I’m a woman.”
Reddit user veinyasiancock recently posed the question: “Women of Reddit, what do men just not get?” Women promptly replied with their biggest frustrations and grievances, and it was both educational and cathartic. Women on the BuzzFeed Community also chimed in with their two cents. Here’s what was shared:
1. “The world was designed by men, for men. There’s frustrating stuff like how ‘unisex’ T-shirts were made for people without curves and often fit very awkwardly. Then there’s dangerous stuff, like medications that are only tested on men, or car crash test dummies that are only based on the male body. Even men who know this have trouble understanding how much it impacts our lives.”
—Anonymous
2. “Sometimes men just don’t get how important it is to listen and validate feelings instead of trying to fix things right away. It’s not always about solving problems; sometimes it’s just about being heard.”
—u/bellaerayy
3. “We have no control over our periods. Not when they come, not when they go, nothing. The things we can get or take to minimize the effects of our periods often have harsh side effects that not all of us can or want to deal with. This is something you must understand.”
–u/RWBYRain
“This is funny because one time, my ex wanted to have sex, and I told him that as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t because I was on my period, and it can get really messy. He said, ‘So what? Just stop it.’ I was like, ‘You do realize I have no control over it, right? The blood just continuously flows out of my vagina by itself, whether I like it or not.’ He just shrugged and said he had no idea.”
—u/Emotional-Impact-534
4. “The ultimate foreplay for a married woman is being surprised by her husband taking one of ‘her duties’ off her hands that day. Mop my kitchen, do the laundry (in its entirety), scrub the bathroom, cook dinner and do the dishes afterwards, help the kids with their homework, let me sleep in and you take the kids to school, and if it’s a weekend, take ALL of the kids with you and get out of the house for a couple of hours. And believe me, your thoughtful/helpful efforts will be repaid in the bedroom. That’s what most of us find to be sexy.”
—Anonymous
5. “Most of us don’t actually like doing emotional labor all the time; we’re just socialized from birth to provide that service for men.”
—u/battleofflowers
6. “The vagina is a naturally moist place. When we say we’re dry, don’t imagine skin dry. Imagine your mouth. Normally, it’s a wet place, right? But when we say we’re wet, it’s noticeable. It’s like you smell something delicious and start salivating so much you have to swallow. THAT IS WET. Not normal-mouth-feel wet.”
—u/Blueberryaddict007
7. “A lot of us don’t view you as protectors. I know that’s the image you have been sold since you were a child, but the people you are supposedly protecting us from come from the same group you do. And bad men don’t walk around with a sign saying, ‘I’m a bad man!’ so our caution has to be applied as a blanket policy. We don’t hate you; we just know that if something bad happens to us, people will first ask why we even ‘put ourselves in that situation.’ It’s not personal.”
—u/Aethereuz
8. “We are not your mommy! Grow up and be a man. Make decisions, learn how to make appointments, and go places by yourself. And stop asking me endless questions! I’m not a doctor or an encyclopedia!”
—Anonymous
9. “If we have sex with you, we may get pregnant, even with contraception. You may then disappear, even after acting like a respectable person, and fight any ties to your child forever. We may be required by law to bear your child and become a mother alone, struggling to support ourselves and a newborn, if we don’t die during pregnancy or childbirth, which is more common in some parts of the US than in any other developed nation. So don’t ask why women won’t just sleep with you, why we won’t ‘give you a chance’ and just have sex once, or why we’re not going to Netflix and chill for the first date. Women enjoy sex too, but we are facing the rest of our lives potentially raising your child alone if we don’t die first.”
—u/Mushrooming247
10. “Men can’t expect their girlfriends and wives to make lists of chores, remind them of appointments, and otherwise carry the entire mental load of their shared life and household, and still consider themselves leaders, in charge, and the ‘man of the house.'”
—u/rainbowmadnesss
11. “Ignoring when their mom is being passive-aggressive to their girlfriend/wife reinforces that behavior and harms their relationship. It’s not keeping the peace.”
—u/boboanimalrescue
“If she is your wife and you’re ‘avoiding taking sides,’ you made a lifelong commitment to your wife, not your mother. There is no ‘middle ground.'”
—u/ReadingAfraid5539
12. “Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal for every woman.”
—u/thomasedwards0504k
13. “How much our menstrual cycle affects us — not just the bleeding. Hormones are a hell of a drug. Not to mention hormonal birth control, which means we have to handle added hormones and side effects.”
—u/Rubyhamster
14. “My hobbies and interests associated with femininity aren’t automatically ‘boring’ or any less gratifying.”
—u/DateLate6732
“This! When I first met my husband-to-be, he asked me about my hobbies. I hesitated, but something told me I could trust him not to laugh at me, and I admitted that I loved Barbie. He answered, ‘Oh, cool! Why did you hesitate?’ Then said, ‘How is that different from me playing Warhammer and DnD?’ It instantly made me fall for him. He built me a dollhouse a few years later and then dedicated an entire room in our basement to Barbie dolls. It still gives me butterflies.”
—u/vampirejo
15. “The amount of toilet paper we need to use. I’ve seen many men complain about how much TP the women in their house go through, and they say things like, ‘I hardly use any! Why can’t they learn to live off a few squares like I do?’ Men don’t understand that women have a lot more to clean up. Men use it only after going #2 or to clean up a little drip. Women can’t just shake it and be done. We also have discharge to clean up, which is constant (not just when we’re aroused, as some men believe), and it’s only worse when we’re ovulating. On top of that, we have periods to deal with. We need more toilet paper than you do! Get off our backs!”
—u/RovenshereExpress
16. “Truly sharing household and domestic tasks means doing them unprompted. I don’t want to have to ask you to tidy up, answer questions if it’s your turn to cook, constantly manage social calendars, and remind you of things. My brain needs a break, too, and taking initiative means a lot.”
—u/brainsteam
“There’s no such thing as ‘helping’ a woman with housework. That presumes it’s primarily her responsibility and dominion. Nothing that is your equitable share is ‘helping.’ To that end, one eight-hour workday does not entitle you to a full-time maid, parent, household manager, cook, or all that. That is not equitable. One good way to determine whether a workload is split equitably is to look at downtime. If you have time to go to the gym every night, watch TV, and play video games after work, and she has almost zero downtime, the workload is not split equitably. In most cases, someone staying home works 12-16 hours (especially if there are kids). This means the person who leaves for their job every day must work a few hours at home outside of work for a fair split.”
—u/robotatomica
17. “When we say we want communication, it doesn’t necessarily mean talking 24/7. It means keeping us updated on plans, letting us know how you’re feeling, and talking to us when there’s an issue. Also, bringing up an issue doesn’t necessarily mean I’m mad and want to fight. I want to communicate it before it becomes a bigger issue.”
—u/purplepeopleeater31
18. “Just because I’m growing a child inside me doesn’t mean I am an expert on children and babies. I’m learning just like you. I don’t know what’s ‘normal’ unless I read it in a book or listen to my doctor, just like you. I’ve never done this before, and every decision I make is just a guess. Stop acting like I should magically know this stuff because I’m a woman.”
—u/Lurkerque
19. “If you are in a relationship with a woman and having issues in the bedroom, take a good, hard look at how the other parts of your relationship are working. Chances are, there’s a reason the desire is dwindling that isn’t just related to sex.”
—u/Maximum-Vegetable
20. “The women you’re close to are not your therapists, and constantly treating them as such is incredibly tiring. I am very happy to talk you through your problems, but not if the only time you reach out to me is to talk about yourself.”
—u/PhysicalFact2414
21. “Don’t complete a common task around the house, say like doing the dishes, and then announce, ‘I did the dishes for you.’ Did you not use some of those dishes? Can you imagine if a woman announced everything she did and added ‘for you’ each time?”
—Anonymous
22. “My time is valuable too. I can’t always or don’t want to always stop what I’m doing to attend to your request or see what you’re looking at on your phone that’s so exciting to you!”
—Anonymous
23. “I am not immediately aroused when you decide to whip it out. It’s different. Men are usually more visual, e.g., he gets aroused if I have cleavage showing!?! Let’s be honest, ladies. Their package is not attractive. And no. Going down on you is not a turn on, lol.”
—Anonymous
24. “Small gestures mean everything in a relationship. Fresh flowers every Friday, filling the gas tank and washing the windshield, setting out a coffee cup at night, emptying the dishwasher without being asked, remembering I like cheese on my takeout burger. Just remembering.”
—Anonymous
25. “How we are constantly ‘on guard’ for our safety. It’s common to change outfits at the last minute because of safety, to postpone running to the store because it’s too dark out now, to have to spend extra money for an Uber because the bus stop is in a mildly sketchy neighborhood, and to cut a day out short because our phone battery is low and if it dies, we can’t Uber home later.”
—u/bossamemucho
26. “So many heterosexual men claim to love, adore, and cherish women. Popular culture reinforces this view, but it’s just not true. It’s not women you cherish, it’s your fantasy of them. If straight men REALLY loved women like they say they do, there wouldn’t be so many who are willfully ignorant of the facts: how common sexual assault and domestic violence are. How many women are harassed and/or demeaned daily. How common unwanted pregnancies, miscarriages, pregnancy complications, and abortions are. How painful and exhausting periods, IUDs, pregnancies, childbirth, and postpartum recovery are. How sex is often painful for many women. How much discrimination we face in all areas of life, from being paid less at work to the added domestic and emotional labor our families expect us to do at all stages of our lives.”
“Oh, but you’re one of the ‘good ones?’ Have you ever researched any of the above topics to be more educated on our realities? What actions are you taking to stand up for our reproductive rights? Do you call other men out — in person or online — when they make gross comments about girls or women? Do you assume you’re a good lover without having looked up women’s sensuality or asking your partner what you could do better? Or are you too scared?”
—Anonymous
27. “Very early in our 40-year marriage, he said he didn’t want to renegotiate our roles. He takes care of the outside of the house, and I do the inside. I quickly realized that meant he had chores eight months of the year, while mine were 12 months. Well, why in the world would he want to renegotiate? I thought up and cooked dinner, while he BBQ’d in the summer. Note: Cooking the meat is not ‘making dinner.’ I thought, ‘How can he believe he’s an equal contributor?’ But my choices were…go with it, or divorce.”
—Anonymous
28. “If I’m in a relationship with you and you ‘check out’ other women on the street or in a bar, it really hurts and makes me feel that what we have isn’t special because you have potential interest in other people too. And you can bet that it’s not conducive to a good sex life either.”
—Anonymous
29. “Just because you are married to a strong woman doesn’t mean she wants to carry 90% of the marriage. Get off your ass and lend a hand!”
—Anonymous
30. “Every woman doesn’t want to be a mother. The world needs good aunts, too. It’s sad when people ask if you have kids and you say no, and they look at you with pity. I roll my eyes at them and their pity. Just because you have kids, that doesn’t mean I want them. Chill.”
—Anonymous
31. “The thing that pisses me off the most is his stance of, ‘I cleaned bathrooms for six years,’ (in a retail situation before we got married) as the reason he has NEVER cleaned the toilet in our 30-year marriage. As if that absolved him of bathroom chores forever.”
—Anonymous
32. “I wish men knew how deeply depressing it is to know you are being treated differently because you are a woman. Everything about you is scrutinized relentlessly and viciously. Men benefit directly and indirectly from the idea that they have dominion over everything about us, and it’s so scary to know that there are men out there who simply hate women, full stop. It’s terrifying and really disheartening at times.”
—Anonymous
33. “How well you’re groomed is much more important than some men might think. I come across more stinky/unclean men than women regularly, and these men seem not to notice that sweat smells gross. All genders can be terribly unclean, but the perfume industry is harsher and directed more to women, so it seems that men are more likely to forget that a little cologne or perfume (or even deodorant!) goes a long way in how you present yourself.”
—Anonymous
34. “We can handle the truth. Thinking you need to sugarcoat difficult topics and dodge direct statements is inadvertently insulting. You’re doing that for you, not for us. ‘I was trying to make it easy for you.’ No, you were making yourself feel better. This goes for the workplace, home, or any place. I don’t want to be pandered to or talked to with a condescending tone. Would you talk to another man in the same tone and manner you speak to me? JUST SHOOT ME STRAIGHT. And sure, I might have emotions, just like you. That is okay.”
—Anonymous
35. “Unless you are 100% certain that a woman likes you and she has already expressed an interest in hooking up, don’t try to get her alone before making a move, especially if you are significantly larger or otherwise more powerful (more senior at work, wealthier, etc.). If it turns out she doesn’t like you back, she’s doing a calculation in her head about how much danger she’s in if she rejects you. Yes, even if you’re a ‘good guy’ and would never hurt her or retaliate for rejection. Bad guys always seem like good ones…until the moment they don’t. And there’s a real chance that if anything happens between you guys, she participated at least partly because of fear.”
“So basically, it’s your job to be aware of your power, particularly when there’s a physical imbalance (but also in other ways) and to ENSURE you aren’t exploiting it. If you don’t stay aware of this, you may end up, even unintentionally, coercing a woman into actions she wouldn’t have otherwise chosen.”
—Anonymous
36. “As a 60-something woman, married for over 30 years, I find myself thinking, often, how did I not understand that ‘partner’ didn’t really mean that? That there would never be a 50/50 partnership, or even 60/40? But that I would be the leader in everything except for manly things, like yard work or washing the car? We’re away for a week, but I’ll do all the laundry upon return. I’ll think up and make dinner the day we get back? I’ll go through the mail and pay the bills that came in. All while hubby checks the yard and rakes up what needs it. Seriously, I never thought marriage meant I’d do everything while he feels important.”
—Anonymous
37. And: “Women aren’t a monolith. Just because your ex liked X doesn’t mean your new girlfriend will. Just because your mom likes X doesn’t mean your aunt will. Just because your sister had light periods doesn’t mean your friend is faking her pain. And on and on. Women are people, and while they share common experiences, they also have their own preferences.”
—u/Alcohol_Intolerant
Women, what else are you sooooooo sick and tired of having to explain to men? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form.