Copyright Forbes
If you’re in a relationship where you have to remind your partner repeatedly of your worth, your needs or how you wish to be loved without seeing any change or real effort from them, you may not be in the relationship you think you are. A key ingredient that might be missing in your bond is emotional safety: the feeling of complete security in that your feelings matter, your needs matter and that you, as a whole, matter. And this emotional baseline should never be optional in any relationship. Despite being the scaffolding of most healthy relationships, emotional safety is usually communicated in small but powerful ways. Sometimes, it’s a reassuring look; others, it’s a text that says, “I’m here if you need anything.” And on some days, it’s as gentle as a pat on your shoulder. A partner dedicated to maintaining emotional safety in their relationship doesn’t look away from pain, be it their own or their partner’s. They stand together when they’re suffering and always make a sincere effort to understand. Here are three signs you have that rare but sure connection of emotional safety with your person. MORE FOR YOU 1. You Like Who You Are Around Them In an emotionally secure relationship, you have the absolute freedom to be yourself around your partner. This can look like not needing to monitor your behavior, not having to think twice before telling them anything and being able to ask just about anything without fear of judgment, anger or any negative reaction, for that matter. A partner can only create an environment that encourages this kind of authenticity by being fully authentic themselves. According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, perceiving one’s romantic partner as authentic — in that they’re genuine and true to themselves — results in increased trust, satisfaction and commitment in the relationship. The study also indicated that a partner perceived as authentic is a strong source of safety and stability. This, in turn, can encourage the perceiver to become less defensive and more open. As the study shows, the mere faith that a partner is showing up exactly as they are can lead to an increase in relationship quality. From this perspective, emotional safety is largely dependent on being loved and accepted for who you are, without the fear of being hurt or changed. 2. You Act Like A Child Feeling free to expose your silliest, most childlike self is one of the clearest signs of an emotionally safe relationship. Emotional safety, in this sense, feels like the space to breathe without fearing judgement or humiliation. A comprehensive 2024 study published in Scientific Reports examined the relationship quality of 471 couples in heterosexual and same-sex relationships, with respect to how “playful” they were in their bond. The study worked with the OLIW model of playfulness, which recognizes three distinct aspects of it: Other-Directed playfulness, used to alleviate social tension Lighthearted playfulness, used to take life a little more lightly Intellectual playfulness, used to play with and improvise ideas Whimsical playfulness, used to find the fun and playfulness in unusual activities They argued that these types of playfulness are related to higher relationship satisfaction, lower attachment insecurity (less emotional distance and worry about the relationship) and stronger bonding and trust between partners. In particular, other-directed and lighthearted playfulness — activities that usually involve being silly, joking around and acting carefree — reduce relationship-related fears and anxieties and promote intimacy. Playfulness also supports couples in conflict resolution by reducing tension and making interactions more enjoyable and creative. Unsurprisingly, these results were equally valid for both heterosexual and same-sex couples, suggesting that humor and playfulness can serve as an emotional and social lubricant for all kinds of couples. Emotional safety goes hand-in-hand with relational happiness, and that consists of being with someone who loves you regardless of how silly you are on some days. 3. You Never Feel Hesitant To Speak Your Mind When you’re with someone who doesn’t feel the need to suppress what’s bothering them, you’re less likely to feel nervous or scared to express yourself in the same way. Even during an argument, a partner’s first response shouldn’t be to walk out or give you an ultimatum. Ideally, they should make space for what you’re feeling, and whether they agree with you or not, they should make sure to let you know that it’s okay for you to speak your mind. If they look beyond the discomfort your honesty causes them, their ego and their pride, you can take it as a sign of true care and an earnest willingness to listen, understand and change. And that space they create — that moment of restraint before reacting — should never be overlooked. In a longitudinal study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, researchers followed 91 newlywed couples over a year to see how their conflict behaviors affected this sense of safety. The results showed that when partners responded to conflict with understanding, validation and warmth, their spouses’ sense of emotional safety actually grew over time. But when they responded with criticism, blame or defensiveness, that sense of safety was diminished. In other words, it’s not just the presence of conflict that shapes a relationship; it’s how each person handles the discomfort that follows the conflict that matters most. The willingness to stay present rather than punish, and to understand rather than defend, becomes the signal that your vulnerability is protected here. So, in those moments where your partner listens despite how scared or insecure they might be feeling, you’re witnessing more than just mere kindness. In reality, they’re giving you tangible proof that they value your feelings above their own desire for comfort.
