Copyright BuzzFeed
"They Will Grow Up To Resent You": 29 Common Things Parents Do That They Don't Realize Can Deeply Hurt Their Kids "We have often said that our parents showed us the exact kind of marriages we don't want." Parents have a hard job, and unfortunately, sometimes things that seem like good parenting aren't so great for kids in the long run. Recently, people on Reddit called out some common things parents do that they might not realize are harming their kids, and they range from well-intentioned parenting habits to things people might not even notice they're doing. Here's what people had to say: 1. "Parents complaining about their own bodies. My mom struggled with her weight most of my life and would say what she didn’t like about her body. The biggest one was that she hated her upper arms. She got to the point where she wouldn’t wear short-sleeved shirts. Since I’m my mom all over again, I have her arms. I am so self-conscious about my arms and hate them, because she hated hers. I see women with larger upper arms wearing what they want, and they don't care, but my mom is in my head." 2. "Making their oldest kids raise their younger ones." —BookkeeperProud3143 "'What do you mean you don’t want kids?' — my mom, to me, the oldest daughter, who had to do all kinds of parent-like things for her siblings." —skinsnax 3. "Making them clean their plate. If they’re full, don’t force them to ignore that feeling and keep eating. If you think they’re going to be hungry later, wrap up their plate and reheat it when that happens." —SeattleTrashPanda 4. "Siding with the bully in the family and urging the victim child to be the one to make peace and be good." 5. "Stop going through your kids' phones and diaries. I know you're just wanting to make sure they're okay, but all you're doing is destroying your relationship with them. They will grow to resent you." —Nightdreamer73 6. "A lot of parents don’t even realize they do this, but they expect their daughters to sacrifice more than their sons." —flugualbinder 7. "Handing them an iPad instead of letting them find other ways to cure their boredom." 8. "How much parents are on their OWN phones. Excessive screen time is mentioned a lot, and usually with a focus on the kids having too much of it. It's easy for parents to overlook how glued they are to their own phones, how much their kids observe it, and how much they miss and don't even realize it when their kids are around them playing, learning, and creating, and they're missing it all while they doomscroll." —SnowCoyote3 9. "Forcing kids to hug and kiss relatives and family friends teaches them their physical boundaries don't matter and that they don't have autonomy over their bodies." —homersbuttcrack "This is the reason why I offer a fist bump or wave as options for kids. Meets the 'polite greeting' mark, and since another adult is the one suggesting it, the parents don't usually complain." —CaoilfhionnFlailing 10. "Comparing one kid to the other children. 'He's in track and field. Why can't you get into sports?' 'She got an A in Science. You couldn't even get a C.' Accept each child as they are." 11. "Yelling. Take it from one who hates loud noise. I always hated hearing my parents yelling." —VigilantOutcast "My husband's parents and my dad were yellers. They'd scream for hours. At each other or at us. We have never yelled at each other. If we're that upset that we want to, we just walk away, cool off, and talk about it later. We have often said that our parents showed us the exact kind of marriages we don't want." —ihateeverything1023 12. "Banning certain things and not explaining why, such as drugs, alcohol, and unprotected sex. It's important to talk about the dangers and be open enough to be able to explain why it's a better idea to stay away or do those things responsibly." —Extension-Kale-7123 "Because I said so is not an explanation." —iamevilcupcake 13. "Being overly strict. Those kids always wild out once they’re old enough." 14. "Failing to teach them that failure is okay and that it can actually lead to learning more." —Oshava "Protecting your kid from every failure is like wrapping them in bubble wrap. Safe for now, but they’ll shatter the moment real life hits." —Sad-Earth-9658 15. "Constantly talking for their kids instead of letting them speak. It teaches them to stay quiet even when they have something to say." —Kelhina 16. "Forcing your kids into a sport they don’t love. So many kids burn out early because their parents are trying to live their lives through them." 17. "Not apologizing when the parent is in the wrong. If you want a child to be able to take accountability for their words and deeds, you need to model that for them." —x-actomundo 18. "My parents always mocked me and called me dramatic whenever I cried, which taught me not to show my feelings and not to let anyone know if I had gotten hurt." —No_Review_7643 "My in-laws do this to my nieces, and it makes me so sad. If one of them is having a bad day, they'll all be saying, 'Oh, she's pouting today.' Or if they cry about something, it's 'Oh, she's just having a hissy fit' or something. I try to tell them when I can that having emotions is okay." —groucho_barks 19. "Buying them too many toys, getting them something every time you go somewhere, and just essentially buying their love. I fell into this trap when my divorce started 10 years ago, and it took me three years to break myself of it. I regret it every day because we could have spent that money on experiences, not crap I threw out. They are 12 and 13, so I’m hoping to reverse it more." 20. "Coddling their kids. There are so many people out there who lack basic life skills, and I blame the parents." —Critical-Distance-35 "I know a person who is 43 and her parents still coddle her; she has no coping skills and freaks out like a 5-year-old at the least inconvenience. Mom and Dad then swoop in and fix her problem." —TurbulentShock7120 21. "They don’t teach their kids that it’s okay not to be included in everything. Sometimes you’re not going to get a birthday party invitation, and sometimes the kids in your class are not going to play with you. It’s life! Teach these kids that rejection is not the end of the world." —kyii94 22. "Not giving kids chores to do around the house when they are young. I worked in higher ed for a bit, and there were so many young adults who didn’t know how to cook for themselves, keep their room clean, or do their own laundry." 23. "Constantly criticizing them for their mistakes, but almost never acknowledging or praising them when they do things right." —mrtism08 24. "Staying together even though they’re both miserable. Children are better off with two happy parents living apart than two miserable parents staying together for the kids." —Thingsrbound2change "I remember being 8 when my parents split up. I was relieved. I was 8 and could plainly see that my mum was yelling less and that dad was happier, even though we only saw him on the weekends. I would be so much more fucked up if they’d stayed together for us." —sporadic_beethoven 25. "Letting them always win at family games. Board games, card games, and family video games. Adjusting the rules so they have an advantage to win. Sure, when they are tiny and learning, you can give them help and encouragement. Let them win the first round. But they have to learn to be good losers. And gracious winners." 26. "Overreacting to every tiny thing as bullying rather than building resiliency in their kids. There’s bullying, then there’s normal childhood disagreements that kids can learn social skills from. There is a difference." —snowyskittles 27. "Constantly telling them how smart they are. Instead, praise them for working hard or being creative. Focus on actions rather than fixed qualities." —Emotispawn2 "So true. No matter how smart you are, there inevitably reaches a point when you need to work your ass off to achieve your potential. Kids who grow up not knowing this can crash and burn hard when that time comes." —SpaghettiandOJ 28. "Using their kids for content and engagement online." 29. And finally, "Not realizing they will copy what they see. These parents throwing tantrums at sports events when their children don't win are setting terrible examples that their children are blindly copying." —whataquokka Is there anything you would add? 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