Copyright BuzzFeed
"I Would Never Go Back": People Who Left An Old Life Behind Without A Trace Are Revealing How And Why They Did It "I called out that night, emailed a resignation letter, and was on a plane the next morning." Content warning: Discussions of abuse. While reminiscing about my late grandmother, who once boarded a one-way boat ride to the US in the 1950s and never returned home to her then-fiancé, I began thinking about what it takes to leave everything behind — whether that's friends, family, or familiarity — and start anew. Curious, I turned to Reddit and the BuzzFeed Community to hear from people who've done exactly that. Their stories were a powerful reminder that we are all just one decision away from a completely different life: 1. "I faked a big move and cut ties with family and friends. I live about 20 miles from my old home and kept my job. It has been two years, and my anonymity remains intact. I live a happy life now without the drugs, drama, and abuse in my prior life. I still keep in contact with my little brother, but that's it. Everybody else thinks I now live in Russia." —TheNewbieBrewer 2. "I got sober, sold my house, left no forwarding address, deactivated my social media, changed career fields, and moved halfway across the country to a city where I knew no one. I wasn't exactly trying to disappear, but aside from the two people I told, I said nothing to anyone. This was 2017. It went well. I started my life over, wound up meeting a guy, and getting married. I had a child, and started a business with my husband. I found out years later, when I reactivated Facebook, that several people thought I had died, which I hadn't really considered." 3. "My husband, who is going to be my ex-husband, falsified charges against me and started a completely false narrative about me. It damaged my reputation. Who I had been my whole life was obliterated by this false narrative that people believed. It was a death of me. Instantaneously, while trying to process this extreme trauma, I had to then grapple with accepting that other people's opinions of me were negative and incorrect. I moved away from everyone and everything, diagnosed with severe C-PTSD, and literally started over as a wayward drifter." 4. "Well, it started at work. I met a guy and he was very different than my own fiancé. He came from California and liked everything. So, one night while giving him a ride home to his rented house filled with ten roommates, he asked me why I was getting married. I had no answer. I broke up with the fiancé and moved to California with Mr. Work Guy. Never regretted it." —Anonymous, 55, New York 5. "About two and a half years ago, my four-year-old son and I went on vacation to visit my husband's family while my husband stayed back to work. One morning, about three weeks later, I got a call from my husband letting us know he was leaving me and that my son and I would never be coming home. It was emotionally devastating and traumatic, and it also left us on a separate coast from where we were living." 6. "I worked at a company in my 20s and was barely halfway through my contract when I left. I was on the overnight shift, which meant I didn't have much of a life because I slept when everyone else was awake. Plus, quite frankly, the job was pretty miserable. A dream-come-true opportunity came up in a different state. I had a lawyer review the employment contract I was under, and there was nothing in it that prevented me from quitting." "I met with my managers ASAP and gave my notice. They basically said I wasn't allowed to leave, and they tried to use my inexperience and naivety to force me into staying. So, I called out that night, emailed a resignation letter, and was on a plane the next morning. It was 1000% worth it. I've had a successful, more fulfilling career ever since with actual work-life balance and a comfortable salary." —Anonymous, 35, New York City 7. "This has been pretty much my way of living for the past 10 years. Every few years, I pack up, move to another country, and start anew. Burner phones, changing emails, and having no social media accounts. I don't really have a reason for it, I just enjoy being a vagabond and seeing places. I grew up moving from country to country as a child, and when I turned 16 or 17, it just seemed a natural way of living. I've hit around 150 countries so far, and lived in over 20. I'm still young, and I work in all these places (as a surf instructor, running hostels, bartender, teacher, etc.)" 8. "I'm currently disappearing. I got bored in the US, so I looked around for jobs on boats/yachts. I went from being an alcoholic construction worker to currently a deck hand on a private yacht circumnavigating the globe. We're currently on our way to Tahiti, and I'm excited." 9. "I have relocated at the drop of a hat so many times I lost count. My love for new places and experiences started at 18. I got on a bus in Salem, Oregon, and headed for Fayetteville, NC. It wasn't long before I decided it was time to try something new. I opened an atlas, closed my eyes, and pointed my finger at Columbia, MO. Seemed as good as anywhere else." 10. "After 15 years, I left an abusive relationship at midnight with a kid, a cat, and two suitcases. Got an expensive lawyer, moved to another state, changed careers, and never went back. When you reach that last straw, there is nothing that will make you want to reopen the return door. Go me!" —Anonymous, 60, New York 11. "I lived all my adult life in Phoenix. Had a great career, loved the desert. Tons of friends and activities. Then climate change started ruining everything – too hot, water problems, etc., then the politics turned rancid and toxic. My daughter, who lives in Oregon, got pregnant. I left it all behind to be a grandparent. I love the trees, waterfalls, and kindness. I didn't have one friend here when I moved at the age of 72, but that's changed. I would never go back." 12. "When I was 19, I waited until my boyfriend went to work and I packed everything I owned in the place I shared with him and disappeared. He was obsessive and controlling, and I knew I couldn't do it in front of him without fear of major drama. I ended up getting a restraining order because he showed up at places and followed my friends." "Then in 2023, I ended a 20-year marriage just as abruptly. Left everything behind, even my house. This time it wasn't as secret, but I definitely started a brand new life." —Anonymous, 44, Houston, Texas 13. "I was in a very miserable relationship with someone who blew hot and cold, and it affected me deeply. When we finally broke up, I fell apart and didn't know my purpose anymore. I was offered the chance to travel abroad for a year, and I didn't tell anyone except my family and close friends. I sent a Facebook post out as I was boarding the plane to China. That was nearly 15 years ago. I never went back. I got married and have a whole life and a new career." 14. "A decade ago, I got an anonymous phone call from an irate husband who found out my husband of 23 years was sleeping with his wife. Our marriage was already on the rocks, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I quit my job, broke my apartment lease, and drove 1500 miles back to my hometown. Met someone new six weeks later, who I ended up marrying. Life goes on!" —Anonymous, 57, Denver, Colorado 15. "I had to leave. My 'family' was involved in criminal activities, and since I wasn't with the program, I was in danger. Life has been so much better with safety and clarity, away from the craziness. But it's hard not to have family, and I struggle with answering questions." 16. "I moved from Germany when I was sixteen. I was Jewish, and I didn’t feel safe anymore. I was involved in Jewish smuggling from Germany to the United States, and I'm blessed I survived. However, I cannot say the same for my family." —Anonymous, 98, California 17. "At 28, I was going through a divorce. My ex-husband made it almost impossible. I walked away with nothing at my request. All I wanted was my kids. He tried to paint me as an unfit mother, yet before I left him, I had been the only parent for three years. The man just wanted to punish me for leaving and not allowing his parents to control my life. Slowly, I met someone playing poker online." "I went from chatroom to texting to calling, and next thing I knew, I was flying to his hometown to meet him in person. I fell in love, packed up everything I owned, and moved almost 600 miles away. Thankfully, after an insane custody battle, my babies were home for good, and we started our new life as a family. Then we welcomed our baby the following year. When you know, you know. Fifteen years and still going strong." —Anonymous 18. "I didn't abruptly leave my family, but I broke up with 95% of my social network. I had been dating my ex-boyfriend for a few years, and our relationship had gotten rocky. I felt a lot of pressure from our friend group to stay with him. We had a large friend group that did everything together, almost in a comical way, right out of a TV show. I had an unexpected opportunity to move away from our hometown for a specialized program in my field, and I quietly left. Not only did I move away, but I also broke up with him and deleted all my social media accounts. Almost no one other than my best friend made any effort to contact me." 19. "I was always a misfit, seldom fitting in personally and professionally. At age 34, I married a former classmate from graduate school, and we moved to her home country. I was looking for an entirely new life. I've spent 22 of the last 36 years in Thailand. We are both retired, still married, and debating where we will finally settle down." —Anonymous, Thailand 20. "I was cheated on in a big way. This was the second year into COVID, and I just got this overwhelming sense to GTFO of NYC. I packed up my apartment, took my 2-year-old, and just left for Colorado. I haven't spoken much to my family and not at all to any friends (except one). I will never go back. There's nothing there for me now. Just old wounds, trauma, and shitty people." 21. "Ten years ago, I sold my home of 28 years in Beverly Hills, CA, and moved to the East Coast. I drove across the country because I wanted to feel the distance I was putting between my old life and my new one. My husband had been having affairs for years. He'd had both physical and emotional ones. Los Angeles was one big trigger for me. I told him I was leaving, and he could come with me or not. I only gave him the option because of our child. He begged for forgiveness, saying he was a sex addict." 22. "We have no divorce in the Philippines, and I could feel in my gut that if I didn't leave my country immediately, I would end up six feet under the ground. I could sense that my husband was becoming more and more psychotic every day because of jealousy and insecurity, so I left." —Anonymous, 45, Philippines 23. "I walked out on my abusive ex while he was in central booking with a single suitcase and a bunch of cats in carriers, took an Uber five hours north, and totally started over. New name, new (claimed) birthday, new hair color. It was the most liberating experience of my life and, even though I still suffer residual effects from old injuries, being free of that bastard is a million reasons to be happy." 24. "I was sitting in a room with my ex, and he was talking about buying magic with our rent money. That night, I put an ad on Facebook that I was giving away everything from my house. People came and took everything, my fence included. The next day, I got in my car and drove off. I was homeless for a bit and ended up living in a town about an hour away, where I got a room in an old house and a job doing deliveries." "I met my now-husband later that month while he was homeless, too. On our first date together, he was so firm that he was going to be something one day. I said fuck it, let's build a life together. We got married in 2015 and are doing better than ever. He just got his doctorate, and I run my own business. I'm a big believer in cutting ties and starting over when life where you're at has nothing for you." —Immediate_Plum3545 And lastly: 25. "I'm often surprised that I actually fit into this category. I was in my 20s, living at home. Honestly, I wanted to move out so bad, but my mom was really attached to me and panicked whenever I said I was going to move out — even though I had three siblings (one older, two younger) who had already moved out (hey, it's not easy being the favorite!). I saw that although I had a good job, my social life was garbage. I'd come home, eat, and play computer games. I had a few close female friends, but... come on, I'm still living at home with my parents. Plus, I was shy (and embarrassed by living at home), so relationships never went where I wanted them to." (Cont'd) "So, I went. I moved jobs, and felt good about being 'a grown-up.' Eventually, I bought a house, got married, and had kids. We go home every year. It used to be only at Christmas, but then it became twice a year so my kids could get to know their cousins and relatives. So I'll always have two homes and two hometowns now. It was such a hard decision for me to go, and it was almost spur of the moment...2,500 miles from home." "I often wonder where I'd be in life if I hadn't gone. I mean, if I had just sacked it up and moved out, would I have changed in the same way? I don't know. But I had to try it, and I'm so thankful for that friend who told me, 'If you don't do it, you'll always regret it, but if you go and don't like it, you can always come back.' He was 100% right." —ClownfishSoup Have you ever left an old life behind without a second look? Tell us what happened and how you did it in the comments or at this anonymous form. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website. The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
