Copyright BuzzFeed
Women 40s And Up Are Revealing The "Adult Mistakes" They're Begging Young Women Not To Make "I regret getting married in my 20s. I wasn't old enough to have really lived as an adult for many years yet. The result was a brutally awful marriage that wasted my time (and his) and destroyed me financially." A while back, we wrote a post where older women revealed their biggest "life regrets" that they wish they had known sooner. In the comments, more women shared the life mistakes they made and adulthood lessons they've learned, and you'll want to listen up. Here's what they had to say: Note: Some responses were pulled from this Reddit thread by u/Sk8trdye. 1. "Take care of your teeth! Trust me, you'll regret neglecting them. Don't rely on someone else to take care of you. Learn to advocate for yourself. Invest in you!" "Take up a craft you enjoy, and lastly…don't spend your life scrolling away." —kimd46402339d 2. "Start saving for retirement yesterday. It's depressing to hear my coworkers saying they'll need to work until they die because they didn't start saving until they were in their 50s." —Anonymous, 56, Florida 3. "Not being honest because you think someone will think less of you. Especially when it comes to the big stuff, don't lie because you'll have to live with the consequences and the self-hate that that lie has brought upon you." —Anonymous, 71, Wales 4. "I regret centering men in my life at the expense of my own dreams. Society wants us to believe that our value is inherently tied to our proximity to men, and I deeply regret buying into that conditioning. I always felt the need to be in a relationship, and I often lost my identity in many of those relationships. I stayed in a miserable marriage for way too long because of fear and optics. The beautiful thing about being in my 40s is that I no longer care what people think. My life is mine, and I live it for me. Being single isn't a curse — in fact, there are so many rich blessings in it." "Sometimes I wonder where I'd be and what life would be like now if I'd prioritized myself sooner. My best advice is: Don't be afraid to be alone. Relationships can be great, but make sure your needs are getting met, and don't be afraid to cut off what doesn't align with your vision for your life. Time goes so fast; before you know it, a year turns into a decade. Make sure you're living every single moment authentically. I promise, sacrificing your own needs for someone else only benefits them and steals your precious time. Be discerning. Don't rely on anyone else for your emotional fulfillment, because many people you might think are solid will disappoint you and walk away from you the moment things get challenging or you don't bend over backwards to please them over yourself. At the end of the day, your relationship with yourself is the most important one you'll ever have. I learned that lesson the hard way." —Anonymous, 45, Canada "Being alone is better than being lonely (and stuck) in a dying relationship. Know the signs. Be honest with yourself. Have courage. Believe you deserve a better life than the one you are living and GET OUT." —Anonymous 5. "Allow your children to problem-solve early. Too many parents do EVERYTHING for their kids when they should be letting them problem-solve on their own; let them figure it out. Kids who have parents who do everything for them turn into adults who can’t handle conflict or figure things out on their own. I witnessed this very thing with a friend and her daughter." "This mother did everything for her daughter; I remember one particular incident where the daughter, 18 at the time, was supposed to babysit for this young couple. The daughter told her mom (my friend) that she didn't want to babysit. My friend called the young couple and told them that her daughter wasn't feeling good and couldn't babysit after all. Cut to this daughter as an adult: She's in her 30s, she panics when there is a conflict, she has a hard time problem-solving, and she has a difficult time communicating with others." —Anonymous, 59, Wisconsin 6. "I regret not trusting my gut. Should have stopped wasting time and energy trying to make relationships work and focused on my career earlier. Now, I have a fantastic job that I love doing (most of the time) and dating occasionally at 58, but still trying to catch up financially as a result." —braveelephant411 7. "Don't be too wrapped up in your looks. Unfortunately, you won't be pretty forever. After your 40s, you will start to show your age. You can't fool Mother Nature. So don't invest too heavily in your looks alone, or you'll have a terrible time aging." —Anonymous 8. "I regret building a career in a low-paying field and not being more proactive in building my skills to move into a more lucrative field. 'Do what you love and the money will follow' is pure BS. Don't fall for it like I did." —u/QuirkyForever 9. "I wish I had stopped worrying about if he liked me, or what I could do to make him happy, and instead asked if I liked him and if he could make me happy! Knowing my worth would have saved me YEARS of frustration and heartbreak." —Anonymous, 43, New Hampshire 10. "You should learn to drive! Don't rely on your partner to take you everywhere. Driving gives you independence. You shouldn't have to ask permission to go shopping or call an Uber to go down the street. I see too many older women who didn't learn how to drive because their husband was around to chauffeur them around, and have to now rely on others once he's gone." —Anonymous, 47, Canada 11. "I regret getting married in my 20s. I have no idea why I thought at that age that this was my only chance at companionship, like people just shrivel up and die once they hit 30 or something, but for some reason, I did. I got married way too young. I wasn't old enough to have really lived as an adult for many years yet — and even though I felt grown-up — I had no idea who I was or what I wanted." "The result was a brutally awful marriage that wasted my time (and his) and destroyed me financially. A very foolish mistake." —u/StrangersWithAndi 12. "Tinnitus is extremely annoying. Don’t let loud noises/music ruin your ears." —u/EssentialHeart 13. "I was scared to travel by myself, and I could never find anyone who wanted to travel. I got an itch around age 40 that I just needed to gooooooo and went with a group of people I didn’t know to South Africa. My husband didn’t want to come with me, and that was part of the problem. He hated traveling. One day, I finally decided that I was done holding myself back. I went on the trip and bombarded him with pictures, not because I was trying to rub it in his face, but because I was just so damn excited to be in a place I never thought I would get to visit." "I now try to do one international trip a year, and every time I go, I kick myself for waiting so long to get started. Oh, and my husband comes with me now. He feels dumb for ever thinking he didn’t like to travel." —u/DietFrenchFries 14. "I'm 49 pretty soon. My biggest regret is being the caretaker for everyone else. I've always been the one to care for others. I put my needs and myself last, and I'm emotionally and mentally drained." "I'm back in university, trying to finish my dream of a university degree for a change. It's been so difficult dealing with family life and college life at my age. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done. Luckily, I'm almost done. I wish I had graduated in my mid-20s, but nope, that didn't work out for me. I hope I reach the finish line. Also, my daughter is watching me study and prepare for exams and projects. She's so proud of me, and when I get an A on a project." —u/AirInternational754 15. "Being too empathetic. Being seen and heard and understood was the one thing I so desperately wanted growing up, so I gave it in abundance in my younger adult years with the belief it would be shared — that it would warm cold hearts and provide the foundation of loving relationship." "I learned the very hard way that people (men) will shamelessly exploit that. That my empathy was not the same as forgiveness no one asked for. That being a rich-hearted, thoughtful, passionate lover without self-respect will land you square in the middle of an abusive relationship. I wish I had realized then that you only give that kind of warmth to those who deserve it." —u/italkabout 16. "Not getting checked for skin cancer. Doctors constantly tell you to get pap smears, mammograms, and colonoscopies, but not even dermatologists recommend that I get screened for skin cancer. Basal cell carcinoma may not be dangerous, but it can be disfiguring. Now, I have a huge scar on my face." —u/squatter_ 17. "Waiting to do therapy. I knew I had to break generational curses, and I wish I had done so earlier. Therapy helped me forgive my mother but also gave me the tools to put and hold up boundaries." —u/Krankenloffel 18. "I regret not speaking kindly to myself. It took me a long time to realize I needed to be nice to me, too." —u/No-Fishing5325 19. "I am almost 70. There are many things I regret! One thing I wish I had managed to do is incorporate regular whole-body exercise into my life in a way that would be sustainable for my older years. When I was younger, I did a lot of walking, and I was even a runner for a while. But when my knees got bad from arthritis, I stopped exercising. There was a decade of that. I gained weight, felt sluggish, and awful. Depressed, too. My blood pressure rose." "A couple of years ago, I found a personal trainer and began a whole-body exercise program. I also started doing yoga. I feel like a new woman! My health is far better. I lost weight. And I feel great, all around. (I also got those bad knees replaced, which helped.) The good news is, it's never too late. I just wish I'd stayed in shape all along." —u/Elisabeth-B 20. "Not wearing sunscreen unless I found myself on a boat. I've been on the straight and narrow since my 30s, but I've developed age spots on my hands and chest that I know could have been largely prevented with consistent sunscreen use. It catches up with you!" —u/angelindevilshoes 21. "I regret that I didn't take college seriously the first few years. While I did graduate, it wasn't in the field I would have liked. I screwed that up. My life would have been so different." —u/MamaMidgePidge 22. "Not figuring out who I was first. I spent my whole life living by these rules about how I was 'supposed to' act and things I was'supposed to' like. I learned I was autistic in my late 30s, and untangling the mask has been so hard." —u/JackiOh And finally... 23. "I wish I had been able to stand up for myself more -- I spent most of my younger years accommodating people around me, and I have only recently started to learn to set boundaries (and they still feel pretty icky.) I was so afraid of making other people angry that I over-extended myself and was stretched pretty thin for decades." "It's 100% OKAY to say, 'No,' and leave it at that. You do not need to justify saying it. You do not have to feel bad about it later. You do not have to apologize while (or after) saying it. And if someone gets mad at you, or threatens you, or loses their composure, or begs, or cries, or gives ultimatums...maybe wonder why you care what that person thinks about your relationship." Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. People of all genders, what are some other life regrets and mistakes that young people should know? Tell us in the comments, or if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can use the form below.
