Parents Are Sharing Things They Secretly Hate About Having Kids, And They Got Brutally Honest
“Once they can drive, no matter how hard I worked, what I didn’t do for myself, and all the health damage they caused to my body and mind, they don’t care, don’t call, and don’t remember anything about me. They’re off living thief lives as if they were born without a parent. There’s been nothing but hurt for me since they’ve grown up. I wouldn’t have kids if I’d known how apathetic they would be.”
We asked parents of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they secretly hate about having kids. Here are their very honest responses:
1. “I hated it when my kids left the nest! Nobody prepares you or talks to you about what an impact it will make on your life. You’ve just spent at least 18 years adjusting and learning how to do life all differently to raise your babies. They grow up, and they are excited to leave the nest, and they move out. You worry all the time. Then the quiet, it’s deafening, and nobody prepares you for it. I hated it when I had to take my babies to their first day of school; I cried. No one prepares you for these things. I love my boys! If they didn’t grow up, I’d have 20 of them!”
—Anonymous
2. “You can’t focus on your career, the romance with your partner will not be the same, whatever you make financially, the kids will destroy it, they think only about themselves. I wish I had known this before having them.”
—Anonymous
3. “I hate having my in-laws around so much now that we have a child. Before, my partner and I would see them once a month or so for dinner, and spend Thanksgiving or Easter with them. Now? My God, they are constantly dropping in with no notice, always when I’m at my most exhausted and disheveled. It is nice that they want to be involved with their grandchild, I know, but they have no respect for our time, are meddlesome, nosy, and soooo judgmental.”
—Anonymous
4. “The sleep loss during a child’s first year is something awful. Before having a baby, I slept a lot. I loved it. But the moment I gave birth, all that sleep went out the window. The baby needs to be fed when it’s hungry, and that can be any time of the day or night. And I would still have to get up in the morning and go to work each day. My son would cry in the late hours of the night and wee hours of the morning to be fed, and I would be crying with him because I was exhausted! Each time it happened, I promised myself I would never have another child because I never wanted to experience sleep deprivation again. Eventually, as he got older, my son got on a regular sleep schedule and I was able to get my sleep back, but I’ve kept my promise of no more kids.”
—Anonymous
5. “They are always asking a thousand questions! ‘Why this and why that?'”
—Anonymous
6. “I hate the amount of judgment from other people, especially doctors. I feel judged for being a stay-at-home mom. I felt judged when I considered going back to work or placing my daughter in preschool. There’s no winning, so you just have to do what’s right for your family and ignore comments.”
—Anonymous
7. “I hate that 99% of the pressure is on me, MOM! Dad doesn’t get called by school, dad doesn’t get followed into the bathroom, dad doesn’t get asked for snacks, dad isn’t wanted for comfort or bedtime or anything else!”
—Anonymous
8. “I hate that I thought once they hit 18, I’d have freedom again. Guess what, that did not happen. They’re at your house every weekend with their girlfriend, so extra cooking, laundry, no privacy, etc Let’s not forget the 100 dollars they con you out of. And I’m the grandma.”
—Anonymous
9. “I feel like I can’t date. I’m a single parent to a 13-year-old, AND I’ve come out as a lesbian in the years since his dad and I split. Between the guilt of leaving him home alone to go on dates when I already work so much that I hardly spend time with him as it is, navigating dating apps to find someone who’s willing to date a single parent, and then vetting a potential partner to ensure she’s an appropriate fit to bring into my son’s life, it just feels daunting and impossible. I don’t want to have to wait until he graduates and goes off to college before finding my happiness, but it feels like I have to.”
—Anonymous
10. “I hate having to be ‘on’ constantly. As an introvert, I need time to myself to recharge or just some quiet in general. Having kids follow you around all day, wanting to talk and play…it’s the sweetest thing, but sometimes I just want to hide.”
—Anonymous
11. “I hate the constant anxiety and frustration that comes when your child is sick or when not behaving traditionally ‘normal.’ Especially when they are young and cannot express themselves. Is your kid vomiting because they are sick? Ate too much? Upset stomach? Constipated? Anxiety? Tired? From crying too much? Or because you gave them the blue bowl instead of red? It’s just nonstop playing as Sherlock Holmes, and it is beyond stressful and even annoying.”
—Anonymous
12. “I hate how ungrateful teenagers and adult children are. They have the power to disable you by rejecting you. I hate how they use their children (your grandchildren) to punish you for some perceived wrong you’ve committed against them, or maybe just because they have a weird spouse who doesn’t like you. It all makes me wish sometimes I had never had kids at all. I feel like I sacrificed all the good years of my life for them, and I now get nothing in return. Less than nothing.”
—Anonymous
13. “Once they can drive, no matter how hard I worked, what I didn’t do for myself, and all the health damage they caused to my body and mind, they don’t care, don’t call, and don’t remember anything about me. They’re off living thief lives as if they were born without a parent. There’s been nothing but hurt for me since they’ve grown up. I wouldn’t have kids if I’d known how apathetic they would be. Why bother?”
—Anonymous
14. “I hate the teen years. Kids really suck when they become teens. The only nice thing is that they’re more independent, which still sucks because they should know to clean up after themselves, but don’t. They can drive, but not when you need something. They don’t have time for you, but can do everything with their friends. When they start dating, forget it, they’re merely heads on a bed at curfew (which is after we go to bed).”
—Anonymous
15. “I hate that I have to keep feeding all four of them over and over again. Good tasting, healthy, balanced meals. And also have to take into consideration their preferences. Feeding the kids is the hardest part of parenting to me.”
—Anonymous
16. “I hate being the only one in my close group of friends to have kids. So I’m trying to find people like me who have kids, and it sucks because I feel completely alone. Not to mention my husband and I haven’t been on a date in about a year, and we miss each other. But we love our kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world.”
—Anonymous
17. “I can’t just hang out with my friends anymore. Now I have to call everyone in my contacts and pay someone an ungodly amount of money for two hours of watching my kids, or bring them with me. Then I can’t stay out too late. It’s like being back home with my curfew again.”
—Anonymous
18. “They eat SOOOO much. They consume what I expected to last a week in a day if I don’t hide some of it! Yes, they’re teenagers.”
—Anonymous
19. “I hate how much it ruins your relationship with your significant other. Especially if you are one of those who shifts more of their energy into the child and the other notices. Or if the kid causes disagreements.”
—Anonymous
20. “I thought that if I had more than one kid, they would keep each other company and entertain themselves. I was wrong! They just fight all day and sooo much crying! My kids are 6 and 3, and just now they’re starting to get along, but for 30 minutes max.”
—Anonymous
21. And finally, “The old saying ‘you can have it all’ is complete bull! My husband and I decided when we had our second child that I would stay home for a while. Childcare for two kids in our area was more than our mortgage payment, so it made sense. Now, nine years later, I’m struggling to find a job that would allow me to still be able to do school drop-offs, pick-ups, after-school activities, not to mention all the fall, winter, spring, and summer breaks. Finding babysitting and camps for all those breaks and before and after school care is almost impossible, not to mention outrageously expensive.”
—Anonymous
If you’re a parent, what do you secretly hate about having children? Tell us in the comments or use the anonymous form below: