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Key Points Psychologists identify signs of high emotional intelligence in Boomer parents, including empathy and flexibility. Key traits include open communication, validation of emotions and respect for boundaries and individuality. Low emotional intelligence is marked a negative habit, which reflects older generational norms. Boomers have gotten something of a bad rap in recent years. Perhaps it’s just the natural order of things—they’re now parents and grandparents, and therefore “so uncool.” Or maybe it’s the stereotype that they are so set in their ways that they’re hard to converse with (it’s always good to be proven wrong on that one). Plus, the viral social media meme “OK, Boomer” from a few years ago definitely didn’t help, either. Despite all of that, psychologists say that many Boomer parents boast high emotional intelligence—and that’s nothing to roll your eyes at. “In adult child-parent relationships, emotional intelligence helps the child feel more seen, respected and understood,” says Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. “Emotionally intelligent parents do not default to authority or control. They communicate with empathy and curiosity. This promotes open dialogue, supports mutual respect and reduces defensiveness. It also allows the parent and child to repair emotional ruptures more easily.” Despite that aforementioned stereotype about crotchety older people—which, let’s be honest, every generation gets after a certain age—all of that wisdom they’ve stored over the years actually translates into high emotional intelligence (EI, EQ or EIQ). And the following 13 psychologist-backed signs that a Boomer parent has high emotional intelligence really hone in on why that is. Plus, they share the biggest sign that a Boomer (or anyone, really) has low emotional intelligence. Related: 13 Things People With High Social Intelligence Often Say, According to Psychologists 13 Signs a Boomer Parent Has High Emotional Intelligence, According to Psychologists 1. Willingness to broach sensitive subjects Emotions can be tricky for anyone, but especially Boomers, because of their upbringing. “Some Boomers were raised to steer clear of emotionally driven conversations because the past is the past, and we cannot change it,” says Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele. Yet, Boomers with high emotional intelligence are hell-bent on changing the future. “[They] understand that talking can help us process and understand our thoughts and feelings,” she explains. 2. Emotional regulation during difficult conversations High EI Boomer parents don’t just have tough conversations. They handle themselves during them. “Instead of reacting defensively or with anger, they take time to reflect and respond thoughtfully,” notes Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. “This ability to regulate emotions demonstrates maturity and awareness of how their behavior affects others.” 3. Judgment-free listening It’s tempting for Boomer parents to share the pearls of wisdom they’ve collected over decades of experience. Yet those with a solid emotional IQ avoid falling into this (well-meaning) trap by listening with an open mind and heart before speaking. “This shows an ability to hold space for another person’s emotions and experiences,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa reports. “Listening in this way communicates empathy and respect, which are key parts of emotional intelligence.” 4. Asks questions to understand rather than to challenge When Boomers do speak, those with high EIs often start with thoughtful questions. “Curiosity and openness allow for deeper understanding,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa shares. “When a parent seeks to understand their child’s perspective truly, it shows they have emotional flexibility and empathy.” 5. Acknowledging their imperfect upbringings Boomers were raised to respect their elders, so it’s hard for them to look back with 20/20 vision. “Boomers may be reluctant to critique their parents’ parenting because doing so makes them feel guilty or disrespectful,” Dr. Leno explains. “However, more evolved Boomers have a more objective perspective.” 6. Willingness to apologize and take accountability Boomer parents with strong emotional intelligence don’t just know that their ancestors were imperfect. They know that they, too, have made and continue to make mistakes, and they don’t just keep these truths inside. “They can apologize sincerely and take accountability,” Dr. Schiff reports. “They were raised in a culture where admitting fault was equated with weakness. If they can apologize and take accountability, it reflects strong emotional maturity and that they value repair over ego.” Related: 8 Things Most Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say 7. Openness to respectful yet firm disagreement It’s a good sign if a Boomer parent doesn’t expect you to be a chip off the old block in every sense, such as approaches to work-life balance. “High EIQ Boomers want their children to feel comfortable expressing their views,” Dr. Leno shares. “They like knowing that they raised their child to have a backbone.” 8. Flexibility with communication styles A next-level sign that a Boomer parent has high emotional intelligence is the ability to adapt their communication style to the person they’re speaking with. For instance, they may have two children and understand that one prefers a parent who listens without offering advice, while the other appreciates their insights. “The flexibility to tailor their tone and words to maintain connection shows self-awareness and empathy; both core traits of EI,” Dr. Schiff explains. 9. Emotional validation Boomers with elevated emotional IQ don’t utter classic dismissive phrases like, “You’re too sensitive,” when an adult kid discusses negative feelings (including about things their parents have said, such as a critique about their weight). “A boomer with high EI validates rather than [minimizes] emotions,” Dr. Schiff says. “They don’t rush to fix or dismiss feelings. They show awareness of another person’s emotional experience and a willingness to meet them where they are.” Related: How To Validate Someone’s Feelings, According to a Clinical Psychologist 10. Openness to therapy Older generations were raised to believe asking for mental health help was weak and to find other ways to “figure it out.” “Some Boomers were raised to seek religion and not therapy,” Dr. Leno reports. “Those who are emotionally aware accept that therapy has its benefits.” Related: 6 Ways To Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children or Grandchildren 11. Receptiveness to technology and trends Boomers can adapt a nuanced viewpoint on technology, despite not having grown up with it, if they have a high EI. “High emotional IQ Boomers accept that change is inevitable and comes with growth,” Dr. Leno explains. “Instead of bashing every trend, they try to learn and adapt. Most people, especially Boomers, have a ‘back in my day’ story, but those with high emotional intelligence share to inspire, not discourage.” Also? Technology platforms like Zoom can help keep families together, regardless of geographical location, which is more spread out these days. Related: 9 Habits of Grandparents Who Stay Emotionally Close to Their Grandkids—Even From Far Away 12. Traditions are no pressure Boomer parents with high emotional intelligence may have cherished certain traditions with their now-adult kids back in the day. However, they know their child may do things differently, such as wearing PJs and staying home on New Year’s Eve rather than attending the family’s large, formal party at a venue. “Boomers with high emotional intelligence trust their children to do what’s best for them—or not,” Dr. Leno explains. “While tradition is valuable and worthy of honor, it should not compromise happiness and well-being.” 13. Boundaries aren’t dirty words “Kids these days are obsessed with boundaries,” is definitely not said with rolling eyes by an emotionally intelligent Boomer parent. “An emotionally intelligent parent recognizes that their adult child has their own life, opinions and needs,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa emphasizes. “Therefore, when they respect boundaries, it shows awareness of the other person’s individuality and a willingness to relate as equals.” Related: 7 Common Gaslighting Phrases Boomers Use With Their Adult Children, Psychologists Say The #1 Sign of Low Emotional Intelligence in Boomer Parents “A common sign of low emotional intelligence is dismissing or minimizing someone else’s feelings,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. Common phrases associated with this sign include invalidating ones like “You’re too sensitive” and “That’s not a big deal.” He encourages Boomers to be mindful of their higher propensity to use these phrases. “For some Boomers, this may be a blind spot because they grew up during a time when emotional expression was often viewed as weakness and resilience was equated with suppressing emotions,” he shares. “This way of coping may have been adaptive in the past, but it can create challenges in relationships today.” Dr. Schiff agrees, adding that making a habit of minimizing someone’s feelings can come across as emotionally avoidant parenting. She also reports that, for Boomers, emotional avoidance is often a product of “a culture that prized self-reliance and viewed emotional expression as weakness.” “The risk is that this avoidance can lead to unresolved tension and emotional distance, even when love and good intentions are present,” she shares. “If Boomers can recognize and address these moments of avoidance, it can help them bridge that gap and foster deeper and more emotionally attuned relationships.” Up Next: Sources:
