By Amy Glover
Copyright huffingtonpost
If you asked relationship experts Drs John and Julie Gottman when it seems a couple are doomed for divorce, they’d cite the “four horsemen” ― criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
But for members of Reddit’s r/AskReddit, the answers are more varied.
A now-deleted site user recently asked netizens, “What just screams ‘this couple isn’t going to make it’?”
Here are some of the most-upvoted answers:
1) “When one partner doesn’t feel they can talk to the other about issues in the relationship for fear the other will get angry or defensive.”
Credit: u/Kind-Dust7441
2) “When they’ve only been dating for three months but have ‘already had plenty of ups and downs, like any relationship.’”
Credit: u/JohnnyFootballStar
3) “When one partner is disdainful of the other. It’s the death of the relationship. Pack it up. It’s not going to make it.”
Credit: u/fragmnt
Redditor u/inannaberceuse added: “I can attest to that. Your partner can feel your disdain by the way. It’s palpable”.
4) “When one partner makes ALL the compromises, then lives a life they didn’t want.”
Credit: u/GardenGorl44
“Sometimes people judge me for leaving my husband instead of going with him. But to move to the Middle East, where I would have no friends, family, or job; where I wouldn’t initially know the language and would have trouble even making new friends, and where he basically said that while I was unemployed I could ‘at least keep the house clean,’” u/xenchik agreed.
“It’s not so much that I couldn’t handle that life for a soulmate. It was more that I realised I wasn’t actually soulmates with a guy who saw absolutely no issue with any of the above.”
5) “They don’t have those little moments of being goofy.”
Credit: u/zenswashbuckler
“YES! I think I knew when my late wife was going to be my wife was us having a sword fight with Halloween toy swords in a supermarket,” u/Balao309 replied.
6) “From experience ― when one has an over-attached parent and doesn’t make the effort to defend their marriage.”
Credit: u/Even_Regular5245
“This is one of those sad but true ones that you have to live a little to learn,” commented u/potsieharris.
7) “Criticising each other in front of others.”
Credit: u/Interesting-Bug864
8) “When they talk shit about each other behind their partners’ backs.”
Credit: u/ShadowedMystique
9) “When they make fun of or are disinterested in their partner’s ‘little things.’”
“My husband loves Marvel, Pokémon, NFL, Star Wars, and anime (to name a few), and personally, those are not my interests. But I always… pay attention and remember things because I love him.
“He, in turn, always listens to me talk about piano, crocheting, Excel sheets, true crime documentaries, etc.. When someone rolls their eyes or makes fun of their partner’s interests, it’s a huge red flag.”
Credit: u/hxf10a
10) “Cake face smashing at the wedding reception.”
Credit: u/CoffeeMaker999
“Came here to say this. Has anyone done an extensive longitudinal study on the success of cake-smashing marriages?” u/sunnypickletoes responded.
11) “One wants a baby, the other doesn’t, then they have a baby…”
Credit: u/tachycardicIVu
