Copyright TODAY
Niro Feliciano is a mom, author and therapist with a master of science in social work. She’s a TODAY show contributor and author of the TODAY.com column “Is This Normal?” If the reminder that there are only 10 weeks left until the New Year sent a wave of anxiety through you, don’t worry — and try to look at it this way: You made it! Plus, you still have plenty of time to experience a little more magic, joy and, at the very least, a calm(ish) season. With the way most of us run at maximum capacity all year long, a countdown to promote some calm this holiday season is not just nice — it’s necessary. Let’s look at the alternative, most of us create joy for those around us. We decorate, wrap, bake and delight on top of our already demanding schedules. At the end are left with little energy and oftentimes even less joy. Not to mention, for those of us working through the harder things in life — grief, loss, illness — those don’t stop for the holidays. Because the season goes by in a blink, if you don’t stop at times to take it in, like me, you might find that you’ve missed it. So, after working with clients for 20 years as a therapist and experiencing myself the very real race through the season, I decided to do it differently. In my new book, "All is Calmish," I share 31 chapters (a short read each day for a month) of practices, prompts and inspiring holiday stories that will get you ready for the season with a fresh perspective to help you feel more calm and connected. For TODAY.com, I put together a 10-week calendar with one practice or prompt a week — that’s all. Try it throughout the week, and by the time we get to New Year, my hope is that you’ll have felt this holiday season went a little differently: less pressure and perfection, more presence and connection and hopefully some moments you will remember for years to come. Week 1: Oct. 30 Spend 5-10 minutes a day enjoying nature. Taking in the last whisper of autumn’s warmth and wonder for a few minutes a day can make a difference for your nervous system. Use your senses of sight, sound and smell to ground yourself in the present. I love a quick, brisk walk soaking in the soft illumination of morning light. Sunlight early in the day regulates our circadian rhythms and stimulates the synthesis of vitamin D, which has been proven to improve both mood and sleep. Week 2: Nov. 6 Choose joy for yourself. What would bring you joy this season? If we don’t ask the question, we may not know the answer. Perhaps it’s reading a few pages of a good book while curled upon a cozy couch. For me, it was savoring a few minutes of quiet each morning by my sparkling tree, feeling the warmth of my cup of coffee, the familiar smell of a pine scented candle and a moment for prayer, meditation and reflection. I looked forward to this mini “joy ritual” I created each day. Create one for yourself and practice it this week. Week 3: Nov. 13 Prioritize connection over perfection. Whom would you love to spend more time with this holiday for it to be meaningful to you? With the pace of the season, genuine connection is often what we lack in the midst of all the doing. Yet it doesn’t take much to feel the benefits of small acts of connection. What do you need to let go of to have more time for connection? When I repeat those three words, “connection over perfection,” how easy it is to see those things that aren’t so important. Send a text, make a call and schedule a coffee date, walk or cocktails with that person you know will make your season brighter. Week 4: Nov. 20 Shift your perspective. Hard to believe we are just a week away from Thanksgiving and I’m guessing that your to-do list feels never ending at times. A simple psychological reframe could make the difference. When my internal monologue sounds like “I have to” followed by 101 tasks and trips, I now catch myself and simply rephrase my tiring tirade as, “I get to.” It’s a small shift that reminds me how much of my busy life is actually a privilege and one that I want to appreciate. Try it this week and see how much lighter you can feel. Week 5: Nov. 27 Try gratitude. Although some often save gratitude for Thanksgiving once a year, others make it a way of life because of it’s life-changing powers. We know gratitude, whether expressed, written or thought of, releases mood-elevating neurochemicals, such as dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, which keep our spirits lifted and allow us to view life through a lens of optimism. Gratitude is the direct pathway to joy, so if we want more joy, we need more gratitude. One of my favorite quotes is by historian Alice Morse Earle: “Not every day is good, but there is something good in every day.” Start today in simple ways, a few thoughts when you wake up in the morning or when your coffee is brewing. That’s all it takes to begin! Carry it into the whole season and see how it lifts not only your spirits, but those around you, too. Week 6: Dec. 4 Set boundaries. We often think of boundaries as walls, or worry that setting them makes us unkind. The truth? Boundaries are the opposite. They’re how we protect our time, energy and joy for the people and moments that matter most. This week, consider what things during the holiday leave you depleted, resentful or drained — and maybe take a break from them this year. What would you do with that extra time and energy? It could be as simple as a holiday movie night in your pajamas in front of roaring fire. If that sounds like your kind of holiday, set one boundary this week to free up your time and energy for something you actually love! Week 7: Dec. 11 Breathe deeply and take in the silence. With four days to Hannukah and two weeks to Christmas, I think we could all use a few deep breaths. Maybe you are done with your list, but looming family visits in close quarters are doing a number on your nervous system. Take two minutes to center yourself before your feet hit the floor, and you are off and running. Our modern day madness is not conducive to silence, but the benefits of quiet are well researched. My only advice to you this week is to find the silence for a few minutes a day and breathe it in deep. Week 8: Dec. 18 Choose contentment. Contentment has never been about having everything you want, it’s always about wanting everything you have. That is the definition that permeated my first book and you will see it again in the second. Especially during the holidays, the awareness of holding on to what is good already will change the lens through which we experience this season. This week, I ask you to reflect each day on what you have already that if lost tomorrow would change your life irreversibly. Focusing on those areas, slowing down to observe them, making a little extra time for them — those small actions add up to a life of contentment. Week 9: Dec. 25 Presence over presents. As a working mom with four kids, trust me I am not present most of the time — 30% daily would be a big win for me. However, I have learned to find the moments that are most important and show up fully for them. As you celebrate this week, pick the moments that you want to remember years from now. When they arrive, put away the devices, engage and show up fully, connecting with those around you. Presence is the most precious of presents that all of you will treasure this holiday and beyond. Week 10: Jan. 1 Set one intention. We made it! It’s 2026, and if you have been following along, I hope that you have experienced this season with more peace and presence as promised. Years ago, I stopped making resolutions when I learned only 9% of Americans actually keep them. Instead, I chose a kinder and gentler path to achieving my goals, a little at a time. This year, my final thought for you is simple: Whatever you value, do it, even if it’s just a little bit. A little every day adds up to a lot by year’s end. Kinder, gentler, calm(ish): If you found it for 10 weeks, imagine what you can carry forward all year long. Here’s to a year of small steps that make a big difference. For 31 days of inspiring holiday stories, reflections and a therapist talking you through the whole season, check out Niro Feliciano’s new book "All is Calmish," available now!
