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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published. An old friend has moved in and taken over my life. I’m terrified that she’s after my house and sleeping with my man. She’s clever and sexy and I can tell that my guy is besotted with her. I keep catching them snuggled up on the sofa or out in the garden office, whispering and sharing a ciggie. The other day I got home from work, and they were both upstairs. My guy claims they were bleeding the radiators, but they were half dressed and I’m convinced they were shagging. She’s been here for four long months, but my man says I can’t throw her out because she has nowhere else to go. The problem is that she has me over a barrel. Years ago, I was in a very dark place. I was drinking too much and abusing drugs. She and I used to work in a night club together and she took me under her wing. She fed me and got me back on my feet. We lost contact when she moved to Los Angeles with a minor celebrity. Now she’s back. She messaged me in the summer saying that she needed somewhere to stay. Of course, I invited her over but she’s still here. If I’m honest she frightens me. She had a load of assertiveness therapy out in LA, and she’s returned something of a scary ball breaker… I fear that she’ll stop at nothing to get what she wants - and what she wants is my man and my home. Does that sound wild? Am I being paranoid and ridiculous when she was so kind to me in the past? Oh, and she’s not paying any rent or contributing to food bills because she’s broke. Again, I don’t feel I can complain because I owe her so much. JANE SAYS: There’s no denying that your friend helped you in the past. As a younger person you were in a dark place and your mate stepped up but that was then and this is now. The fact is your home is your sanctuary, your private place and your relationship is precious. You can’t have anyone under your roof who isn’t completely trustworthy and on your side. I wonder how many other people she rang from America before she struck gold with you. I get the impression that she feels very much at home within your four walls, but you must get tough before she does any permanent damage. If it’s a battle of wills you’re engaged in, then she must realise you’re tougher than you look. She’s enjoyed your hospitality for long enough and a relocation is overdue because her future is not your concern. Sit her down (and your guy) and give her a reasonable (unbreakable) moving out date. Then talk to her about money. It must be done and might just focus her mind… You must make your home, your relationship and your own mental health your major priorities. If you don’t then I fear at you’ll pay a very high price for allowing yourself to be overwhelmed and steam-rollered by a canny operator. Offer to help her to find alternative accommodation and possible work, but don’t feel guilty or responsible. Equally, your guy needs to swear his commitment to you. You must be able to trust him. Is there anything he needs to tell you? I can’t get a word in edgeways. The problem is that my partner constantly talks over me. Whether we’re at home or out with friends she butts in and speaks for both of us. I don’t think I’ve delivered a punch line in years. More than one mate has joked that I’m more like a ventriloquist’s dummy, than a partner, which I don’t find funny. I have an interesting job dealing with fascinating people. I’m invested in politics and world affairs and have opinions I’d like to share. However, I’m frequently cut off mid-sentence - she either takes over my stories or dismisses me and tells a new one of her own. When I complain, she says it’s my fault for not ‘spitting things out’. How does that work? JANE SAYS: It sounds like your over-enthusiastic partner is guilty of getting carried away with herself. Bullying behaviour comes in various forms. By constantly talking over you and shutting you down she is guilty of undermining your personality. Explain that you will not be silenced. If you choose to tell a story at a slower pace, then that’s your decision. Emphasise that she needs to take a breath and stop dominating any given situation. Warn her that you insist on an equal voice and refuse to be intimidated. Does she understand how close you are to losing respect for her? My husband and I stopped having sex nine months after our 2022 wedding. He announced that as he didn’t want children, so there was no point in us getting naked together. He invested in expensive pyjamas and that was that. His mother died last year with his father following in March. Now he’s come out as gay. I’m angry. I believe he deliberately strung me along while they were alive to please and impress them. Now they’ve passed away and he's doing as he pleases. But what about me? Where do I go from here? JANE SAYS: How sad that your husband felt compelled to hide his true sexuality from his parents, but he must understand that this is not the life you wish to lead. Too much time has already been wasted – on both sides - especially if you would like to start a family. You deserve an honest new partner and a full and active sex life. Try not to feel bitter or resentful because there’s nothing to be gained from looking back. It would be wonderful if you and your husband could remain friends because he’s still the same person you fell in love with, but he cannot be allowed to continue to use and disappoint you. I recently returned from visiting my sister in Australia to discover that my sons have ‘made over’ my garden. They’ve replaced my beloved lawn with paving and created a water feature. I hate it. Why do people interfere? I’m being called ungrateful and mean. But I never asked them to come round. JANE SAYS: Clearly your sons thought they were doing something nice. Perhaps they were worried that the lawn presented hard work (all that mowing and feeding) and that paving would be easier. Don’t fall out over this. Can compromises be made to soften the look? What about more plants or a small re-design? Get back to them and thank them for thinking of you. I must believe that they acted from a place of love and concern.
