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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published. Our open marriage isn’t working and I’m feeling miserable and lost. Back in April my wife suddenly announced that she was bored. She stormed that her life had no meaning and that she craved excitement and thrills. She insisted that an open marriage was the only way to save our relationship. I was so stunned and frightened that I promised that I would do anything to keep her. She went out the very next day and slept with a neighbour. I thought we’d ease into our new set up gradually, but she wasted no time jumping into his bed, which was a bit of slap around the face with a wet fish… I continue to find our arrangement an unequal and unfair one. We agreed upfront that we would identify and approve of each other’s new lovers. That we would talk, be open and be mature about the whole thing. But since this experiment began, she’s slept with several colleagues (both current and old). She has an ongoing fling with said neighbour and enjoys regular online sex with strangers. However, she’s vetoed every woman I’ve suggested. There’s a cleaner at my gym I’m very keen on and a dog owner I see in the park I’m very friendly with – she and I both own German Shepherds and we’ve bonded over this beautiful breed - we walk and talk and have a coffee and I fancy her like crazy. However, my wife doesn’t approve of her. she thinks she’s ‘sneaky’. Any time I talk about taking this particular lady out for a drink and more, my wife wrinkles her nose and sniffs: “I don’t think so”. Am I missing something here? JANE SAYS: Your wife sounds like an interesting character… How come it’s all one way traffic with her? She was the one who suggested the open relationship. She came up with the audacious plan without any real consultation with you, and now she’s calling all the shots. She’s having a huge amount of fun with a wide variety of other guys but you’re being vetoed at every turn. How is that fair? It sounds like you need to go back to the drawing board. How come your wife is free to do as she pleases but draws the line at you following suit? I’m sure that open relationships work for some people, but yours is lob sided. What is your wife thinking and feeling? Does she love you anymore? Does she genuinely respect for you as a husband and an individual? If what she really wants is total freedom to do exactly as she likes, then she needs to be honest about that. She can’t simply use you for stability and safety while indulging her every whim if that’s not making you happy. Stand up for yourself and make it clear that you’re not prepared to indulge her because this is a form of mental torture. You’re playing a dangerous game that could destroy your relationship for good. You don’t know what the rules ae because she keeps moving the goal posts. Don’t be in awe of her. Stand up for yourself and call her out. I’m so worried about our finances. We’re ticking over and have savings, but our demanding son says he might have to raid our building society account because his business has taken such a massive hit. Of course, we feel sorry for him and his wife, but what about our future? We feel we’re being bullied into handing over everything we’ve worked for, but how can we say ‘no’ when they have it so much worse than we do? My husband isn’t inclined to give him a penny. JANE SAYS: Tempting, as it might be to help your family, you must consider your own long-term needs. Your savings are an important accumulation of a lifetime of sacrifice; they are your safety net because none of us know what’s around the corner. Be firm but fair. Give your son a helping hand, but only if you can afford to do so. Don’t allow yourselves to feel compromised but do hand over the number for the National Debtline (0808 808 4000) to anyone you know who needs it. What would your son do if you didn’t have a penny to your names? Answer: He would have to make other arrangements and look elsewhere for a solution to his problems. My girlfriend refuses to move away from her parents. We’re looking for a flat, but she dismisses every property I suggest. Her parents have on-going health issues. Now she’s finally admitted that she won’t leave her neighbourhood at all. How do I make her more broad minded? JANE SAYS: I suspect your girlfriend is worried about her parents. No one would blame her for feeling insecure and scared. Maybe this is simply not the time for big decisions? Vow to take one day at a time and see how you both feel in six months or a year. Sadly, if, in time, you both agree that you want completely different things – in different locations – and you’re unable to compromise, then you’ll have to decide if she is the long-term partner for you.
