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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published. Our new house has killed our sex life stone dead. My husband and are sleeping in separate bedrooms and haven’t touched in months. The stress of paying a huge mortgage coupled with unexpected bills has crushed all passion for each other. I’ve always dreamed of living in a country cottage and thought we’d made it when we moved into this beautiful village. But, after a serious of terrible rows, my guy is in one of our three bedrooms while I’m in another. He's angry with me for dragging him away from his friends and family. He shouts that we were so much happier squashed together in our tiny old flat. Why didn’t I appreciate what we had? The problem is that we have overextended ourselves. Not only is our mortgage massive but we’ve also borrowed from family members to buy furniture and get stuffed fixed. The previous owners were sneaky. They painted everything white and we thought the place was immaculate, but they papered over the cracks. Now that we’re here full time we’re finding all sorts of problems with the electrics, plumbing and damp. The sellers have left the country, and our new neighbours have confessed that they were a nightmare. I feel we were tricked. I fought hard for this place, and my fella is blaming me for everything that’s going wrong. The other night I had almost persuaded him to come into my bed for a night of passion when all the lights went out, the house alarm wouldn’t stop ringing and the washing machine started flooding. It was like Armageddon. He just looked at me and said: “What have you done to us”. Help. I feel terrible. We’re both 33. JANE SAYS: Look, we all make mistakes in life. We trust tricky people, take a wrong turn or move to a home or job that simply isn’t right for us. You’re only human. You had a dream and thought your new home was perfect for you. Sadly, you now find yourselves servicing a money pit but you’re a couple and you’re supposed to be in this together. Talk to your guy in the light of day and tell him that you’re sorry that things are rough right now but insist he starts to support and help you. No, things aren’t great, but you have a roof over your heads. You have energy and youth and your health. You and he must get stuck in. If things aren’t working out in your new environment, then what changes can be made? Can relatives or friends offer practical support? Make lists. Prioritise the most important jobs and keep cool heads because I’m sure that it will be lovely in the end. Alternatively, do you need to admit defeat, sell up and start again? He must hear that you love and miss his touch and that you never meant for things to end up this way. There’s nothing wrong with ambition. As for your sex life, remind him that you’ll feel stronger, more loved up and connected if you start having sex again. Hiding from each other and playing the blame game can’t be the way forward. Should you speak to your solicitor regarding the previous owners? It breaks my heart to discover that my beloved late brother wasn’t a very nice person. He died unmarried in June and I’m clearing out his flat. I’m going through his paperwork – and it’s an extremely challenging process. It’s dawned on me that I never really knew the man at all. He was clearly ruthless and greedy. There are pleading notes from abandoned lovers alongside letters from people he ripped off in business. Why leave it to me to wade through this mountain of shame - and shatter my memories? JANE SAYS: You’re grieving this is a very stressful time for you. All you can do is remember your brother as the sibling you played with and grew up alongside. Don’t forget that paperwork only ever shows one half of any story. Give him a break because we all know how hard it is to sort through paperwork and throw stuff away. Maybe he got to the stage where he was too exhausted and simply couldn’t face the mess? Do not allow this mass of information to overwhelm you. Give the sorting a break and only go back to it when you’re feeling stronger. If you need particular legal or financial documents, then dig those out, but never forget we’re none of us perfect and he probably did the best he could with his life. We hope… My daughter prides herself on being caring. She is a great one for good causes. If there’s a petition to sign or a group to help, then she’s straight in there. She raises money and awareness on a continual basis. But she never does anything for me. I was recently very ill, and she didn’t manage to drop over food or even call me. The only time we communicated was when I tracked her down via text. Now she’s suggesting I sell my house and give her some money to get on the property ladder, but why should I put myself out for her when she obviously thinks so little of me? JANE SAYS: Your daughter obviously feels you’re capable of looking after yourself, but you must consider your future. If the sad truth is that she’s not interested in supporting you, then you must be tough with her about your requirements. Why sell the home you love to accommodate her desires when it’s your sanctuary? Stay strong and do whatever is right for you. Of course she’s entitled to live her life her way, but you are too and can’t be ‘guilt-tripped’ into reacting when she says ‘jump’. Maybe she needs to hear a few home truths… My angry mother-in-law has returned the birthday card I sent her. Apparently, it was ‘insulting’. She likes a card with lots of gushing words and my, simple, “Have a great day” didn’t cut it. Also, she didn’t appreciate the picture of a frog on the front – she accused me of being ‘funny’. Who thinks like that? JANE SAYS: Your mother-in-law sounds touchy and entitled but at least you know where you stand. In future you can either send her the most over-the-stop flowery card you can find – or not bother at all. She needs to hear that you didn’t intend to upset her and that you refuse to let this cloud family relations. You need to stick up for yourself, or I fear this woman will attempt to control you.
